December 23

December 23rd is a big day for me.  This year marks the five year anniversary of the day I received a life-changing call from Dr. Harris.  I knew what the news could be, but somehow that didn't prepare me for what the news was.  "The results of your MRI were consistent with that of someone who has Multiple Sclerosis."  I didn't get the official diagnosis until January, but the writing was on the wall on that day in December.

I am so thankful for the way God has protected me over the past five years!  While my attitude has changed, the progress of the disease has been minimal.  Tomorrow may come with new challenges, but I will yet praise Him.

Our Encounter Band leads us in many fantastic songs.  I have learned to worship in a deeper way through their leadership.  One of the songs they use to help us worship is a Hillsong song called You Hold Me Now.  The lyrics of that song became so overwhelmingly real to me one recent Sunday as I realized how sweet heaven will be for me after facing physical ailments while on earth.  While they have so far paled in comparison to what many people face, I have the gift of longing for the day I will be in the new Jerusalem with God and with no crying or pain.  I would not be able to understand the goodness of this gift without a little pain on earth.  In that moment I became so very thankful that I would be able to experience heaven in a more full way due to my lack.

I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” (Revelation 21:2-4 NIV)

What's Trending?

Carey and I have become big fans of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. I'v always enjoyed the show, but if any of you know us well, we don't see that time of night very often. Therefore, we never watched! With the new house, we decided to finally venture into the realm of a DVR and now record Fallon and watch various shows throughout the weekend. It's been a ton of fun. If you don't watch the show, he does a great job of mixing up the content but also has some regular stuff as well (i.e. Thank you notes, etc.). Of those, we find the 'what's trending' to be really funny. Before this, I never have kept up with trending topics in the news or sports, but it is interesting to see what people (globally) are searching for, commenting on, and the like.

I hadn't really thought of how this applies to my life until recently. A year ago this month, Michael and I discussed growing out our hair. I'm not sure what brought this on, but I decided to go with it ever since. I think Michael lasted about two months before he bailed. Anyway, in twelve months, I've gone from a pretty short cut to quite long. The lady who last cut my hair said 'what's the plan here - are you going for a ponytail?' And, while it's not quite long enough yet, I could get a lot of it in one if I tried. And let's be clear, I'm not trying. But, with the long hair has come a lot of interesting things I never thought about:

1. I can't wear hats anymore. This much hair doesn't fit in a hat.
2. My ears, which stick out slightly more than normal, are well hidden!
3. I can go longer than three weeks between haircuts - this is big in my world.
4. What money I've saved in haircuts I now spend in trying to make it look somewhat 'professional'. The 'professional' part is still under debate with some friends.
5. I instantly make friends with strangers in the city as they think I'm a Euro (like them).

This all brings me back to the original topic. If there is anything that's been somewhat shocking, and noticeable to almost anyone who travels with me, it's that my hair seems to be 'trending'. Besides the items above, people are constantly commenting on my hair, talking to me in Italian (only to be disappointed I don't speak much in return) and so on. It's made every day an adventure when I'm out. No kidding, everyday in the city, someone somewhere will make a comment about the hair. Included in those comments are people who think I remind them of a particular famous person, TV personalities, and one of the more common themes, random NHL players.

About a two months ago, one of the TSA guys in Springfield caught me going through the line and asked how the spine business was. I looked at him funny, he looked back at me funny and then says - 'oh, sorry, I thought you were the doctor who worked on my spine a few years back.' We chatted a bit about his recovery, shook hands and since then he always shouts out a 'hey Doc' every time he sees me come through. With the frequent travel we talk often, and now the other regulars in TSA have started calling me 'Doc' whenever I'm there.

So, for any of you who may see me at the airport, no, I'm not taking new patients.

What if it's true?

When Nate and I were traveling home from our recent vacation, a man pulled up beside Nate in an Arby's parking lot in Tulsa, OK, and asked him for some gas money.  A family member had been sick, his alternator went kaput, he couldn't make it back home.  I watched my husband talk to this man, look him in the eye, and give him the money he needed.

That's probably not what I would have done.

I'm really good at judging.  I don't even have to work at it - it comes naturally.  "I'm sure he's lying." "He probably just needs to buy more drugs and/or alcohol." "If he would work, like the rest of us, he would wouldn't have to ask for money." 

But as I watched my husband share with this stranger, I was overwhelmed with the passage in Matthew - the one about the sheep and the goats - and I thought to myself: what if God's word is true? 

What if it isn't my job to determine whether or not this man deserves money?  What if I'm not responsible for the use of the money after it changes hands from mine to the stranger's?  What if all I'm supposed to do is meet needs?  

My husband inspired me.  I am convinced God's word is true, and yet I do not live like I believe what it says.  I'm not just talking about more doing, I'm talking about a complete change in the way I look at people.  I am so thankful that God is able to change my heart so that I can believe His word and love people well.

The Sheep and the Goats

³¹ “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. ³² All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. ³³ He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
³⁴ “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. ³⁵ For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, ³⁶ I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
³⁷ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? ³⁸ When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? ³⁹ When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
⁴⁰ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
⁴¹ “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. ⁴² For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, ⁴³ I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’
⁴⁴ “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’
⁴⁵ “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’
⁴⁶ “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

Bangs!

I got my hair cut today, and I had Jami give me bangs.  I have a history with bangs, and it's not good. So when I make a daring decision like this, I feel deep fear. Let's take a walk together down memory lane so you'll see what I mean...

 This is the thick, straight bangs that went about half way back my head.  Those are some BANGS.  I think we daughters of the 80's bear this burden of our past together.

Here are a few school pictures.  These capture the bangs + perm era.  I rocked this look for several years.  I'm sure some readers (okay - just one reader) will see these pictures as a representation of a battle.  School pictures + little girls' hair = tears. (I'm sorry, Mom.)

And how about this gem?  The mini-side ponytail with brushed out perm bangs.  Wow.  I'm not sure what else to say.  As a word of encouragement to my girl friends with little girls: if my mom could bite her tongue when I did my hair like this, you can get through anything.  Good luck.

 

 

And then there's this.  This is 8th grade, people.  I spent hours making my hair look like that and probably burned my forehead with the curling iron several times.  Those were desperate days.

 

 

FORE!!

Before kids, I joined a club and played golf off and on every week. During the warm weather seasons between travel, Michael Robinson and I would run out over lunch to play a few holes, occasionally take a conference call from the cart, etc. It was really fun. Even after Cooper was born, this continued for a little while. The frequency was much less, but we still got out on occasion.

Since having the boys, the idea of enjoying the afternoon on a course was a distant thought. With any time to spare, I was multi-tasking by getting exercise with my newly reborn love of biking. So, golf has been in the backseat for quite a while. However, all of that has changed. 

Cooper, and occasionally Miles, has been begging me to take him golfing lately. In a recent run he did at SBU, he won a gift certificate for two at the local public course and the date was set. We borrowed some kids clubs and hit the course. It was some of the most fun I feel like we've had together. Between getting a Coke for the round, driving the cart, and hitting the ball, he was hooked from hole one. 

Since then, the boys and I have been several times and the hours pass so quickly. Cooper is striking the ball quite well and loves the golf part more than anything else. He does a good job to make sure I'm not using 'the nice balls' around water, calls out my scores after each hole (he likes to pronounce 'bogey' 'boogey' just to mess with Miles), and provides tons of encouragement and 'advice' along the way. He has even took to reading the course guide, calling out yardage, telling me the hazards and the like. He is already quite the student! Miles is still very content to sip soda and make imaginary people out of the tees and balls and Cooper and I often return to the cart after hitting to find some kind of battle going on. I feel completely spoiled to be able to spend time with them like this. The idea that they're old enough to begin enjoying activities I also enjoy is a wild thought! 

They are growing up so fast. 

Summer is over!

It's been pretty hot here in MO the last several weeks but the temps are supposed to cool down a bit towards the end of this week. The change in temps will be perfect as the kickoff for 'cross racing is this weekend in Hermann and it will be great to have some cooler weather. Training has been tough in the heat. 

As the temps change, it reminds me that Fall is coming and I'm pumped for it! Carey and I were talking yesterday and it's crazy that summer is over, school is in full swing, Walmart is selling Halloween candy, etc. I love this time of year as you can bundle up a bit more, be outside without sweating through clothes, have bonfires, put in mums and the like. With install of the fireplace and the abundance of wood, we're also looking forward to have a crackling fire in the house on a regular basis. For me, it's tough to beat a fire inside. 

We continue to adjust to the new house and are enjoying it more every day. The grass has been in for about 1.5 weeks and we have tons of green all over. But, because we have to keep it so wet for the roots to establish, the ground is super muddy and we've not been about to get outside on the yard and play. It will be nice to have the seed established enough to be able to walk on it and not have mud everywhere. Especially on the dog. I think Fiona is getting pretty tired of being stuck in the house (and so are we as the cleaning up of her footprints and hair have been ridiculous). Here is the latest pic of the front of the house and the hearth that was installed this morning - the colors on the hearth and tile look a little funky in the picture but we're excited about how it turned out. 

We still have a few things left to do on the back deck, but are so close to being finished with the construction of the house. The concrete drive is being finished today, our concrete hearth was installed today, a few touch-ups on the stucco remain, and a bit more dirt-work around the driveway is all that's left. I won't miss the building process that's been going on over the last 8 months, but it has been fun. We're all looking forward to the finished product. Because we sold some of our furniture with the old house, we've still got a few things to buy before the inside is done. Once it is, I'll post a few pics. 

Miscellaneous

Lots going on for the fam this summer. As Carey noted, we've sold our house twice, spent quite a bit of time making decisions on the new house (and have entered packing H. E. Double Hockey Stick...) the boys have had baseball twice a week, and we've traveled a fair bit to visit family. But, it's been fun and we can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

While school is officially out for the summer, Carey and the boys have spent a lot of time on reading and completing various projects over the summer. It's been so fun to see the boys learn and become great readers. Cooper is plowing through big books and his vocabulary is amazing. That kid is going to be dangerous. In addition to an incentive plan Carey created for the boys to keep them reading, we also joined the Springfield reading program that has some pretty sweet 'prizes' if kids read a certain number of books, etc. A few weeks ago both boys hit the primary milestone in the program and received their 'prize sheet' from the library. I was seriously impressed when I saw the list of things local businesses have offered as a part of the punch list of rewards. Free cupcakes, ice cream, discounts on Incredible Pizza, Discovery Center, and so on. It was an impressive list. So, to celebrate, we spent a Saturday cashing in on as many as we could! Chik-fil-a for a free lunch, tickets to Springfield Discovery Center, Andy's for free concretes, played at the Jordan Valley Park (always free) and then to the Cardinals game - you guessed it - free! We don't normally spend a Saturday like this so it was a ton of fun. And, with the boys being more interested in baseball, it was great to have them see a 'real' game. As long as we were eating, Miles enjoyed it. Cooper couldn't get enough of the game, statistics, etc. We can't wait to go back. Here is Cooper giving me the 'dad, don't take my picture' look.

All is well on the house front with an eminent move in date - Aug 3. Typing that seems crazy as it's been a little while in the making and it's hard to believe it's almost here! As we come into the home stretch, we've been reminded of how thankful we are for having someone help us build. Our GC has been awesome and is the primary reason this project has been fun. We've heard so many times that building a house has been a near marriage-ending experience and we've done great! The next two weeks will be busy as we pack and watch the finishing touches come to life on the inside and out. This week the trim / cabinets are finished, back deck / stairs are completed, painting is finished, appliances are installed, counters will be cut and finished, basement floor finished, lights installed, and tile work in two of the bathrooms and around the fireplace. And that's just the big stuff. =) 

As we prepare for the move, Carey has also been preparing for the coming school year. We're all looking forward to school beginning and the boys are pumped. Miles has told me several times that he's excited to have his mom as his teacher this year. Because they are so different, I know teaching both Cooper and Miles will be an extra challenge. But, Carey is such a gifted teacher, I know I will get to see our boys flourish in school again this year. As they get older, I continue to be amazed by Cooper and Miles and how they are developing into young men.

Life for me is unchanged. Biking has been an afterthought the last few months as work has been very heavy, but I can see a coming end. I've practically been living in Boston for the last several months. And, while it's a great city to work in, I'm looking forward to some time away. I have over 10 weeks of vacation and I have plans to use some in the very near future! 

A few pics. 

Jackson and Blake came to visit for the week. Meal times were like an assembly line!

Current view of the house. Getting closer.

NY Pizza. One slice, two plates.

Boston 'home'.

Our House!

Our house is under contract for a second time!  God is so good - I want to tell you the whole story.

When we listed our house earlier this year, I began to pray that our house would be sold by our listing agent.  It would save us a percentage in commission fees, a blessing for sure!  This girl is all about saving money.

In April (I think), we had an offer on our house from a couple through another realtor.  We knew that the man was in poor health, and they were buying our house to be closer to the medical providers he needed in Bolivar.  It seemed like a good situation for everyone, and we signed the contract.  However, he passed away in the middle of June and the contract was no longer valid.  Our house was back on the market.

As the house we are building was getting closer to completion, I began to fear that our house would not sell before we moved.  The burden of that felt super heavy to me - one home to care for is enough.  In my fear, I brainstormed ways I could control the situation.  I needed to call our realtor to make sure she had done everything she could do, I needed to put our house on FB again, Nate needed to send an email at work, etc. etc.  Oh - and I needed to pray.   The same prayer every time. ||: "Lord - please sell our house before we move. Please.  Please sell our house, Lord." :|| Repeating the same prayer over and over meant I was in control.

On Friday, I was cleaning the house and praying my repeat prayer again, and I was overwhelmed with the thought that asking God over and over like that in my situation was actually showing a lack of belief.  I have been studying Hebrews, and the word "believe" has been a standout.  Hebrews 3:12 says, "See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God."  There is a real pattern highlighted here that disbelief leads to disobedience, sin, and a hardened heart.  However, on the other hand, belief leads to obedience, relationship with the Lord, and rest.

So I asked God, "Lord - does it bother you that I'm throwing this repeat prayer at you over and over?  The root of the repetition is that I don't believe you have this in your control.  I feel like I need to control this.  Lord - I want to BELIEVE you and rest in that belief!  I believe that you will sell our house, Lord.  I believe you could sell it today!  I believe in you, Lord!"

At lunch, we got a call from a realtor that wanted to show our house that afternoon.  "This is it!" I thought.  When the phone rang at 4:30 after their viewing, I was so confident it would be an offer.  But it wasn't.  It was OUR realtor, calling to say she had someone who wanted to look right now - was the house available?  We left; they came to look.  At 5:30 we knew that they wanted to look again in the morning.  By 10:30 the next morning, we had an offer - less than 24 hours after I talked to God about my lack of belief.  Our house is under contract.  And the selling agent and the buying agent are the same - just what I asked for from the start.

God showed himself so real to me that day.  I rejoiced in Him and praised Him and told everyone I could our story of His faithfulness to our family that day.

But I admit, I have a hesitation in all this.  God is good, all the time.  When our house sells AND when it doesn't.  When a person is healed from disease AND when a person dies from disease.  When a person is blessed financially AND when a person is poor.  We don't have a circumstantial God, and so often I am a circumstantial girl.  He met me in this circumstance, and I am so thankful.  But even if He wouldn't have, He would still be God and He would still be good.  And while I know this and can type it, I don't always live it.  I want to live like I believe.

Just for fun, here is a picture of our house in 2005:

 And here is one from today:

He rides!

Today is one of those days that is hard to explain. One of those days where being a dad feels like the most amazing thing ever.

Our oldest, Cooper, is six and has always been very cautious. He is continually worried about getting hurt, hurting others, etc. So, in the realm of bike riding, the thought of pulling his training wheels off is nearly the most horrific thing ever. So, a few months ago, I pulled them off for him and said 'Coop, today is the day we learn how to ride.' As you can imagine, that didn't go over very well. But, shortly after, we negotiated a deal (he is learning very well...) - on Miles' birthday we will take them off for good. Deal. 

Miles' birthday is tomorrow (he turns the big five!!) and not much mention has been made of the training wheels since the original deal was struck. So, I was quite surprised to go out into the garage and find Cooper with his tools, having successfully pulled off his training wheels. (As a sidebar, at the age of six, he is showing that he is more mechanically inclined than his father...). We worked in the driveway for a bit until Carey and I both got sick to our stomachs from all the tiny circles he was riding while we hold on! 

And then today happened. He asked to go ride after church and we went out for more mind-numbing circles. However, after only a few, I found that even though he thought I was holding on under the seat, I really wasn't because I didn't need to. He was doing awesome! I couldn't believe it. And two minutes later he was doing this. 

I was, and still am, stunned. I'm sure if someone was watching I was glowing. I was so proud of the way he was brave, took charge, and conquered his fear of riding a bike. And he is riding like a rock star!! Of course, with my hobby of riding, it's icing on the cake to have him so excited about something I love. 

As we get ready for our little one to turn five tomorrow, I'm in awe of how fast our boys are growing up. They are learning so many things about life and it is fantastic to be a part of it. Congratulations Cooper and happy birthday eve Miles!!!

The Color Craze

My mom is the director of Communities in Schools in Ottawa, KS, and this last weekend she hosted the Color Craze run for a fundraiser. 

Here we are before the race, all white!

And after the race - colorful!

Here we are with "Nana."  She was covered in blue!

After the race, we had a family birthday party for Miles and (Great) Grandpa Holtwick.

Here are the birthday boys:

These five boys had so much fun together! (This is Cooper, Miles, cousins Jackson and Blake, and my cousin Aaron's son, Eli.)