Boys

I really have no idea how to raise boys.  I have never been a boy.  I didn't have any brothers.  I don't understand how they think, why they do what they do.  I just don't get it.  So when Cooper shot two little girls with his hands in the shape of guns at church on Sunday, I lost it.  This is not an isolated incident for Cooper.  Once, we were out and about delivering May Day Baskets to our friends, and when we delivered to our friends the Hamanns, Cooper didn't say, "Here you are, special friends!  This is a gift for you because we love you!"  No.  He didn't even say, "Here - this is for you."  He shot them with Spiderman webs like any good friend would do.  No words, just an attack.  Then there was the terribly awkward moment at Jump Mania when Cooper got right up in the face of a complete stranger (who was standing on the other side of the bounce house screen) with his mean face on and made some kind of ninja moves with his hands, complete with ninja sound effects.  What in the world?  At the pool recently, he pretended to shoot a couple of kids with his hands who where in a place he wanted to be.  The list could go on.  So many violent reactions!

At church on Sunday, my first reaction was, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"  We have talked about this before!  Our "rule" was (emphasis on was) that we DO NOT SHOOT PEOPLE. Ever.  With a gun, a toy gun, with a stick, with hands, with anything.  I know that is extreme, and I confess that the rule was created out of fear.  Fear that my kid will be the kid that guns down hundreds of people in a movie theater or high school.

But there's a huge problem with the rule: I have boys.  Aggressive, active, testosterone-filled make-a-gun-out-of-a-peanut-butter-sandwich boys.  I watch them play Star Wars with each other, creating battles between the Rebellion and the Empire.  There are "good" guys and "bad" guys.  They HAVE to shoot each other.  This is their creative, valiant, heroic play. 

So sitting there in church, I was overwhelmed with how insufficient I am for this job of mothering boys.  What kind of rule have we created?  It's so silly and restricts their creativity and natural play.  Yet I am not okay with Cooper pretend gunning down little girls as they walk by on their way to church.  I don't want to emasculate my children - how do I raise courageous, brave, heroic gentlemen?  Is this even possible?  The question cycled in my head, and the answer was the same each time I asked - I don't know.  I don't know!!  I. Don't. Know. 

And then, after several minutes of stewing and tears, it occurred to me - this is right where I need to be.  Lord help me.  Oh, Lord Jesus, help me.  I don't know how to do this!  Father - guide me in THIS rule.  In this decision.  This moment. 

We went home after church and Nate and I created a new rule: If you talk to a friend and decide together that you are going to play some kind of good guy/bad guy game with pretend guns involved, and you both agree to this game, then pretend shooting at those playing the game is allowed.  However, we NEVER pretend shoot strangers or friends who are not playing the game with us. 

(As an aside - I am so thankful for my husband who can help guide my boys through this.  Having him in to lead our family is one more reason I need to STOP worrying about this!)

I wish I had a conclusion for this post with some piece of great advice on how to raise boys the right way.  But all I really know as a result of this experience is that I don't know. I am completely lost in this job and in complete need of the Lord to guide my steps.

I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears

Our Summer

This summer, I had a goal to do something new, fun, and exciting with the boys once per week.  Sarita agreed to join me in this goal, so we set aside Tuesdays as our designated adventure days. We had a slow start due to some family travel in early June, but once we started, we had some great experiences!

The first week of our quest brought rain with it, and thus our plan to try a new park was quickly replaced with a visit to Jump Mania.  By the time we finished jumping, the rain had cleared, and we enjoyed a picnic lunch at Nathanael Greene Park.  Here are the kids in the trees:

The following week, we decided to head back to Nathanael Greene Park to explore more fully.  The kids rode their scooters on the walking trail and then we hit the playground area - very fun!

The third adventure was to Firehouse Pottery where the boys and I painted some beautiful art.  The Vernons were unable to join us for this day, but we sure missed them!

 We followed that up with a picnic lunch at Squiota Park.  We hiked around the pond and played at the playground for a little while.  Super fun park!

The fourth voyage was to Ritter Springs park.  The playground was great, but we didn't get to experience the full park because it is closed in the summer months from 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. for a summer day camp.  So, in our normal spontaneous style (hee hee), we decided to head to Doling Park in Springfield.  It was SO fun!  The kids enjoyed the play equipment and then rode their scooters around on the sidewalks.

The kids singing their hearts out on the drive.

Scooter Riding

Picnicking

Tomorrow we head to the Dickerson Park Zoo to finish up our summer tour of Springfield.  I'm so thankful for this very fun summer!  Overall, I feel more confident about exploring new places with the kids.  Mission accomplished.

My Last Day as a Duck

Today is my last day as a Duck.  I have spent the last 11 years and seven months working for this company in some capacity – a developer, a QA person, a Content Developer, and most recently a Product Support Engineer.  Working at Duck Creek has allowed me the opportunity to meet so many amazing, smart, hard-working people.  I am honored that I have gotten to be a part of the Duck Creek story.

Here are a few special memories of my time there:

·         My first day – January 2001.  One other intern and I were assigned to Barry Tate's watch.  One of the most important life lessons Barry taught me – never wear cheap running shoes.  That was pretty huge coming from one of the most frugal people I know.

·         Taking my first business trip to a customer site as a 21-year-old with Doug Roller.  I was too young to rent a car, and after Doug left to visit another client, the customer I was working with had to come pick me up at the hotel and take me to work. I felt like a 15-year-old girl all over again.

·         Nate joined me at Duck Creek in February of 2004.  It has been so fun to watch him grow in his career from a front row seat.

·         Nate and I visited a client in Illinois together – he was the sales guy and I was the Solution Architect.  We made a great team!

·         Duck Creek User Forum/Flocking in St. Louis.  I taught a course on ManuScript debugging, and I got raving reviews.  Several people told me how awesome the course was, and I learned that teaching big people is really not so different from teaching little people: they will do anything for candy. J

·         Cooper’s Baby Shower – At the time, I worked on a team with seven or eight other guys.  For my “shower” we all went and ate at El Rodeo, and (this is the BEST part) the men all wore baby bonnets for part of the meal!  My gift was a used potty seat with words of advice from each of them.  (And they also blessed me with a 1 year Netflix subscription – I guess they knew we wouldn’t get out much!)

·         Solving issues – every day.  The job I am currently in is truly my nitch.  I. Love. It.  Every day is different and challenging, but oh-so-rewarding as I figure out the cause of a difficult issue!

I would be lying to say this has been an easy decision.  As I read through the memories I thought to myself, “Why am I doing this? I love my job!” And I DO!  But I love my God and my husband and my kids more, and right now I feel like the Lord is leading me to Homeschool Cooper.  So today I waddle away.   Thankful for what I have had, allowing myself to mourn the loss, and excited and confident about the next season of life.

Colorado

Nate planned an amazing vacation for our family to take to CO.  Here is our itinerary, with some highlights.

Day 1: Drove from Bolivar, MO to Hays, KS.

• We stopped in Topeka to see the Haraders, and my amazingly hospitable sister bought us dinner.
• We drove past the wind farm just west of Salina - SO BEAUTIFUL!
• The kids hit a rough patch on the drive, and this is what Nate posted to FB: Miles is crying. Cooper is moaning with a tummy ache. Madagascar is in surround sound on both screens. Carey has escaped in the passenger seat with her iPhone and headphones. And the good news? Only 266 more miles of Kansas...

Day 2: Drove from Hays, KS, to Colorado Springs, CO.  Visited Seven Falls.

• We stuck the boys into their beds sleeping and we pulled the boys out of their beds sleeping - they never saw the Hays motel.  Praise the Lord they slept after we put them in the car!
• Seven Falls has changed quite a bit from my memory of it.  They changed their staircases to 2 ginormous staircases that we crept up and down, praying to the Lord that our kids wouldn't stumble.
• The kids enjoyed hiking the trail at the top of the stairs!  Jedi do this kind of thing.

Day 3: Visited The Royal Gorge.  Drove from Colorado Springs, CO. to Vail, CO.

• Our family walked across the bridge of the Royal Gorge.  That's trust right there.  Miles only felt safe when Nate was holding him.  I admit I kinda wanted Nate to hold me, too.

• After some convincing (all of us...not just the kids), we rode the gondola back across the Royal Gorge, again, trusting that the engineers knew what they were doing.
   

 Days 4 through 7: Vail, CO

• The Gore Valley Trail was just outside our hotel and ran along the Gore River.  It was beautiful scenery for us to workout by! 
  
   
• The boys played at some really super playgrounds. 
   

• On Wednesday, we rented bikes and tag-along bikes for the boys.  We had four hours with the bikes, so we rode out, had a picnic, and rode more, totaling about 3 hours of riding.  Miles only wanted to ride with his daddy, and Cooper only wanted to ride with his daddy.  I really tried not to let it bother me, but after several minutes riding with Miles crying and saying hurtful things, I admit my feelings were hurt.  The good news is we survived!
   



• We hiked along a stream our last evening there.  We saw several dams, but no beavers.  When we were driving home, we drove by a dam on a stream that created a lake.  I pointed it out to the boys, "Hey - look at the dam." Miles said, "A beaver dam?" and I replied, "No, a dam dam."  Oops.  That one slipped out of the lips before I considered what I was saying.

Day 8: Drove from Colorado Springs, CO, to Colby, KS...our old stomping ground.

• We visited with some very special friends - Bev and Dean Anderson, Tim and Leisa Hansen, and Bill and Terri Adams. 
• We drove by all of the old houses we lived in and pointed them out to our kids...all they really wanted to do was play at Fike Park. :)
• We enjoyed Taco John's for dinner - it is SO much better than Taco Bell!

Day 9: Drove from Colby, KS, to Bolivar, MO.

• We started our day with Daylight Donuts.  Unfortunately, getting there 7:30 meant we missed out on the Peanut Butter Cinnamon Rolls.  And that was a HUGE bummer.  I might have even cried a little. 
• We stopped by Dad and Beth's house to wish Dad a happy Father's Day and give him a Vail Moose.
• We got home!!  Our beds had never felt so good.

Overall, this was a super vacation!

Miles Henry Bethell

This is the true story of Miles Henry Bethell. (And also a little bit of confession...)

In September (right after Cooper turned one), I was running with Sarita and I felt very winded.  I couldn't catch my breath, which does happen from time to time, but this was the third run in a row like this.  I was sweating buckets.  Discouragement was kicking in.  I remember sitting on the end of my driveway stretching after a run, reflecting on how much it hurt, and Sarita said, "Are you pregnant?"  "Oh, no way," I replied.  Sarita answered, "Well, I just remember you feeling like this when you were pregnant with Cooper." 

I couldn't shake our conversation, so I gave myself 4, yes FOUR pregancy tests that day.  They were all positive. Not believing it could possibly be true, I asked Nate to stop by the store and buy the more reliable test on his way home from work that day.  He bought a two pack.  The first was positive, so I did the second, too.  It was positive, too.  It would be an understatement to say I was in disbelief.

After that the crying began.  This was really not my plan.  I watched as several families around us had babies close together, and I thought that was not our style - I needed time to recover from the first.  Surely God didn't have this in mind for me - didn't He remember how hard being a new mom was for me?  Nate travels - remember God?  I think I cried for about 2 weeks straight.

Looking back, I am really embarrased about the way I handled this surprise gift the Lord gave our family.  I wish I would have been mature enough to laugh, to enjoy, to celebrate God's gift to me.  I remember telling a wise friend about another experience that I look back and regret, and his encouraging advice was something like this: Looking back with regret shows we have grown.  Oh, how I long to grow!!  My response to my pregnancy with Miles' really revealed more selfishness in me that the Lord continues to strip away, one piece at a time.  After I married Nate, I remember falling on my face, overwhelmed that I could be so selfish.  Then, after I had Cooper, more and more layers were stripped away.  This life isn't about me, and having a child made it very clear to me that my needs neet to be set aside.

Enough reflecting.  I am a sinful, selfish woman, saved by God's grace.  God has used my children to refine me, break me, and mold me.  He gave me Miles Henry Bethell. And I am thankful.

Just think, I would have missed all this: