Boys

I really have no idea how to raise boys.  I have never been a boy.  I didn't have any brothers.  I don't understand how they think, why they do what they do.  I just don't get it.  So when Cooper shot two little girls with his hands in the shape of guns at church on Sunday, I lost it.  This is not an isolated incident for Cooper.  Once, we were out and about delivering May Day Baskets to our friends, and when we delivered to our friends the Hamanns, Cooper didn't say, "Here you are, special friends!  This is a gift for you because we love you!"  No.  He didn't even say, "Here - this is for you."  He shot them with Spiderman webs like any good friend would do.  No words, just an attack.  Then there was the terribly awkward moment at Jump Mania when Cooper got right up in the face of a complete stranger (who was standing on the other side of the bounce house screen) with his mean face on and made some kind of ninja moves with his hands, complete with ninja sound effects.  What in the world?  At the pool recently, he pretended to shoot a couple of kids with his hands who where in a place he wanted to be.  The list could go on.  So many violent reactions!

At church on Sunday, my first reaction was, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"  We have talked about this before!  Our "rule" was (emphasis on was) that we DO NOT SHOOT PEOPLE. Ever.  With a gun, a toy gun, with a stick, with hands, with anything.  I know that is extreme, and I confess that the rule was created out of fear.  Fear that my kid will be the kid that guns down hundreds of people in a movie theater or high school.

But there's a huge problem with the rule: I have boys.  Aggressive, active, testosterone-filled make-a-gun-out-of-a-peanut-butter-sandwich boys.  I watch them play Star Wars with each other, creating battles between the Rebellion and the Empire.  There are "good" guys and "bad" guys.  They HAVE to shoot each other.  This is their creative, valiant, heroic play. 

So sitting there in church, I was overwhelmed with how insufficient I am for this job of mothering boys.  What kind of rule have we created?  It's so silly and restricts their creativity and natural play.  Yet I am not okay with Cooper pretend gunning down little girls as they walk by on their way to church.  I don't want to emasculate my children - how do I raise courageous, brave, heroic gentlemen?  Is this even possible?  The question cycled in my head, and the answer was the same each time I asked - I don't know.  I don't know!!  I. Don't. Know. 

And then, after several minutes of stewing and tears, it occurred to me - this is right where I need to be.  Lord help me.  Oh, Lord Jesus, help me.  I don't know how to do this!  Father - guide me in THIS rule.  In this decision.  This moment. 

We went home after church and Nate and I created a new rule: If you talk to a friend and decide together that you are going to play some kind of good guy/bad guy game with pretend guns involved, and you both agree to this game, then pretend shooting at those playing the game is allowed.  However, we NEVER pretend shoot strangers or friends who are not playing the game with us. 

(As an aside - I am so thankful for my husband who can help guide my boys through this.  Having him in to lead our family is one more reason I need to STOP worrying about this!)

I wish I had a conclusion for this post with some piece of great advice on how to raise boys the right way.  But all I really know as a result of this experience is that I don't know. I am completely lost in this job and in complete need of the Lord to guide my steps.

I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears